As I stood there pouring my cup of coffee and going over the long list of things I had do get done that day, I heard that still small voice, not so still and quiet saying.....”Go now Lisa, Go NOW!” Go check on Kerrigan!” Kerrigan had been through what was supposed to be a routine tonsillectomy but it turned out to not be the case. After a week of struggling she finally was resting....I thought. I had only on a few occasions felt the prompting in my spirit to this degree. I dropped my coffee, literally, and ran. I found her on the couch in a pool of blood. It was coming out of her nose, out of her mouth...it looked like a crime scene. I remember at that very moment just saying outloud “Oh Jesus, help me....help me.” It was all I could get out. In a few hours after that moment she had been rushed through surgery and was in recovery. An artery had not been cauterized properly and opened up...the bleeding was horrendous. Seeing her frail body lying there so pale, was something I will never forget.
On this same day, I was to see my oldest daughter off for the rest of the summer, to Beijing, China. We had planned a time that afternoon to say our goodbyes and spend some time together. I literally in a 15 minute span of time was saying goodbye to my oldest as she left for her trip, and another goodbye to my youngest as she was wheeled into emergency surgery.
I can only tell you that this journey today took me once again to a place with Jesus that no words can describe. It was a deeper place of trust and rest. I remember many years ago, in a bible study, being told that during times like these I should stay strong, start quoting scripture, and have faith. I memorized mountains of scriptures, which I am so thankful I did, and was prepared. But as I stood there today seeing my daughter helpless, all I could say was “Oh Jesus...help me”. I couldn’t remember one of those scriptures. Just “Jesus!” And you know what? That was all I needed. I cannot begin to tell you the presence that filled that room as I cried out His name for help. He knew what was in my heart, He knew how desperately I needed Him. I truly believe the most elaborate of prayers is just the name of Jesus. I didn’t have to quote a long passage of scripture, I didn’t have to start praying a big worded prayer to be heard....all I needed was Jesus.
Was I strong? It depends on what you define as strong. I stayed strong throughout the whole ordeal, and then I let myself fall apart. I have a place in my closet that I reserve for “ugly cries”. You know, those cries where your soul just lets go and it comes from your belly? (Groanings to deep for words: Romans 8:26) Yep, one of those cries. Jesus always meets me there, and I never feel guilty for letting go. I have felt so close to Him in that prayer closet at times it is like I can feel His breath on my face.
I have had to release my children to God in a way like never before. From China to Emergency surgery....they are in His hands. It’s easy to say, hard to do. But as soon as I completely release them....there is a peace like never before. What greater hands could I place them in?
Kerrigan is resting peacefully, Laura made it to Beijing. I made it through another journey with Jesus realizing more than ever that there is such a freedom and peace in walking this journey with Him. There is no bondage in this walk, only freedom and miracles waiting. If I forget to quote some scriptures during a crisis, or if I fall apart and cry in His arms...He is there regardless. I have never felt His presence more strongly than when I just cry out His name. Oh the precious name of Jesus. No matter what journey awaits me today, tomorrow or the next. He will be enough..........
I can still hear my sweet Grandma’s voice singing as she sewed in her chair......
Jesus Jesus Jesus, there's just
something about that name.
Master, Saviour, Jesus, like the
fragrance after the rain
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, let all heaven and
Kings and kingdoms will pass away
But there's something about that Name!