As I sat on the doctor's table realizing my shoes didn't match....I just laughed. A year ago, that would have sent me running home to get the right ones on my feet. But now? Nahhh I think I'll go with it all day. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff this year. Mismatching shoes would definitely fall into that category. As the doctor came in to check me out, I saw the grimace on his face when he looked at me. I was like "Ok, God....it's small stuff right?" He said I was not healing correctly and he would give it a few more weeks to keep doing what he was doing to fix it, but if it was not doing better....more surgery. But wait! I have another surgery in November before Thanksgiving! That would mean 4 surgeries in 3 months. I want to be in the fruit of the month club, not surgery of the month club! I sat there looking at him and I just laughed. Didn't know what else to do! I heard the Lord whisper in my ear...."regroup or regret Lisa...you have a choice." HUH? That didn't make sense to me. But now it does. I am a planner! And I love the holidays so much it is not even funny. I start decorating for Christmas November 1st! This was not in my plans! In fact this messed up my plans! It was then I realized....I don't want to regret the things I do in life and the choices I make. I want to savor the seconds because it can all change so fast. I don't want regrets. I needed to regroup.
I looked at my calendar, layed hands on it and prayed. "Lord....if the things on this calendar go as planned...Hooray! If they do not, you plan them out in a way that will be glorious! The plans may change, but it will all be good. I will trust you." If surgery is on your calendar for me to get well....so be it. If you choose to heal me miraculously....Hooray again! I trust you. COMPLETELY trust you.
This year of Mom's cancer journey and my surgery journey......no words can adequately describe. Growth in ways I never expected. Relationship with Jesus like I never knew before. Amazing things can happen in truly dark places. His light makes those dark places so brilliant. There are things seen there that we would never see otherwise.
So as I walked out of the Dr's. office with my mismatched shoes on....I smiled to myself, knowing God has it all in His hands. I felt His sweet presence. I have learned that peace is not the absence of affliction, but the presence of God. I felt peace.
I am planning on decorating for Christmas November 1st, and I am planning fun parties with the kids. If God has other plans....I know they will be amazing! He has never let me down. His calendar is filled with glorious things for me! If it took this journey to get me to this place with Him.....it was worth it.
Now, up to the attic to start unloading the Christmas wreaths! YES!