I sat there looking at that same tile floor, smelling that same sterile smell, and hearing the crinkle of the paper on the table as I swayed my feet back and forth. Ugh. It was another doctor visit and another anxious feeling for yet another test and another report. I thought to myself that a pity party would be in order about now. In fact I had so many emotions running around my head I found myself saying out loud “Jesus, help!” “Hello? anybody out there?” “Lord? what is my purpose here?” “What are you doing?” I had to almost chuckle to myself because I was firing one question after another as if He didn’t already have the answer.
But then as I sat there in the quiet, I instantly knew.....He was there with me. His presence all around. In fact I know He was holding me while I was sitting there on that table feeling sorry for myself. That sweet presence turned my many questions into breaths of praise. As I turned my mind toward Him, and got my mind off of myself and my fears I realized.....He knows me. I mean He really knows me! Sounds simple, but really something changed in that moment. I began to rest in knowing....He had a purpose for me.....even through all of this. I had purpose. How many times do we lose our purpose, and let go of our dreams because of fear, or a trial that comes our way that shakes us to the core?
When I was in my mother’s womb, God was there. Though I may not have known Him, He knew me. He had a plan for me even then. Life is not so much a question of finding ourselves, but finding God. Really finding God..... It is a question of discovering what God has already designed. When we find His purpose, we then understand how our uniqueness and gifts fit into what God is accomplishing. It’s like a dramatic play that unfolds. This all was a part of that play. Even this visit to yet another doctor....all part of the play. In this play, the light is on us. Here’s our cue! Most people miss their cues and they never realize they were in the middle of a divine appointment. God was there all the time.....
It was then that God reminded me of everything I had been through.....I witnessed great miracles. I saw His hand in every situation. His grace carried me through each trial. He placed miracles at every turn....it was my job to look, expect, and trust. He had never let me down....why was I questioning?
God is a big thinker. My thoughts, even my big ones, are so small compared to God’s thoughts. My dreams, even my biggest ones....pale in comparison to what God's dreams are for me. God-sized dreams are not man-made, they are God designed. God has shown me that if I find myself coming up with a plan, the dream is too small....When God chooses to confront a situation, He is a big thinker. When He looks at me, He already knows my background. He is not asking for my resume, He is asking me to be a servant He can trust. I needed to trust that His dreams and plans for me were beyond what I could even comprehend. Could I trust completely even in the tough times? Even when it looked like an impossible situation was in my path?
Was I able to trust? Was I committed? If I could be committed enough to do whatever it took, that is all God wanted. You can’t give what you don’t have. You can only give God your loaves and fishes. But most people hide their loaves because they don’t really trust God. In order to fulfill God sized dreams, you need to be able to trust.
Someone asked me recently what this past year had taught me most. I can most definitely say it was all about trust. I daily remind myself that I want God’s dream for my life. It may come in a different package that I think it will, but it is His dream and it is a wonderful dream. He is fully able to finish the dream. The question is will I finish with Him? Yes! I will finish with Him.
There are days I literally ask God to trust through me.....because in my own strength I fail. He always brings me through stronger than ever.
Are you going through an impossible looking situation? Are you at that place where you feel like someone punched you in the gut and you just can’t breathe for fear of what is ahead? Have you lost someone dear? Are you standing for the salvation for a loved one who is lost? Is your marriage or relationship hurting? Do you feel abandoned and alone? Are you dealing with secrets or addictions that torment your daily walk and some days paralyze you? Is the diagnosis you have been given by the doctor causing you to fight with the feelings to give up? God has not given up on you! He has a big dream for you and purpose. You have purpose! If you feel like you are on the end of the rope hanging on.....Hang on! Your extreme is His opportunity. Remember.....God is a big thinker! And His thoughts are on you! Even in the most dyer situations.....He is there. It is my prayer that in your journey to trust and dream that He gives you the supernatural strength to hang on.
By the time the doctor came in to give me the report.....I knew no matter what, I was ok. I was smack dab in the middle of His dream for me, and that made it all worth it. It was good. It was worth trusting in. Trusting sometimes comes minute by minute, but it is worth it all. Your miracle will come. His presence will fill you, and the peace that passes all understanding will walk you through. And you will see.....the spotlight that was on you in your play all along was Jesus. And this play, my friend, is worth a standing ovation! I hear the cheers already.