A song sung from heaven.....

As my eyes were closed, just in the beginning stages of awakening today....I could hear in my spirit her sweet sweet voice as it cracked. I could see the straight pins in her collar where she kept them while she sewed clothes for homeless children. I saw the precious face of my Grandma....and as she rocked in her rocking chair, sewing away, and singing....the melody rang out and it was oh so beautiful.

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

I always could tell this song came straight from her soul. I would always watch my Grandma as she hummed and sang this song....wondering what it was about that song that meant so much to her. She never could make it to the end without tears streaming down her face.

As I awakened this morning I felt covered with such a peaceful presence. That peaceful presence that has carried me everyday through some really tough stuff this year. The peace that was there when I saw my Mom sufferering through cancer...the peace that was there when my health failed and I had to trust with everything in me that He knew what He was doing and had a beautiful plan....the peace that is there when I see my friends hurting so deeply and I can’t fix it....but He can. The peace that is there when the enemy comes at my children and I am helpless...and in complete surrender....to trust Him with their lives. (Oh how hard that is sometimes.....) but then His peace comes...and I know I can do it. The peace that carries me when I just cannot take one more step.

It was then that I realized that my Grandma, through the many trials in her life, and all she endured....never waivered in her passion for her Savior. She knew this peace...she heard His voice, and His presence lived within her every day of her life. Not only did she believe the words to that song....it was her life.

I remember the day that the song “Jesus Loves Me” really soaked in. I mean REALLY soaked in. He loves ME! And the love I felt washed over my soul. I can never sing that song now without crying. Although I had heard it a million times....this one day....it changed my life. Well today....the “Old Rugged Cross” has had the same effect. As I heard the serenade from heaven....my Grandma’s sweet voice.....I realized that old rugged cross meant more to me than ever. Because He died for me on that cross, because of this day....I made it with Him through it all this year. His presence was there because of that old rugged cross. I cannot even fathom what Jesus went through...it has taken on a whole new meaning for me this year. Somehow, I know my Grandma knew all along....I would one day be right where she was, and I would walk out one of the hardest years of my life....right by His side. And I would be singing this song under my breath. And just as she did.....I would be wiping the tears when I was done. It would come straight from my soul just as it came from hers.

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share.

"Yes Lord, I'll trust you..."

Will you trust me Lisa? I heard that voice as I stood in the kitchen making coffee. Will you trust me? Really trust me? I knew that when I was asked twice....I better trust....and hang on. Sure enough that night as I sat up in my bed just hearing the news from Jordan, I didn’t even know how respond. Shock? Anger? Disbelief? Overwhemed. It’s one thing to have faith for a situation in my own life, but when the enemy hits my kids....whoa..that’s a whole different ballgame. Will you trust me Lisa?......there it was again. Sigh.....”yes Lord, I trust you”.

Jordan was getting ready to go back to Nashville after a wonderful Spring Break...only to find out that his apartment at school was buglarized. They took everything. Computers, cameras, all his guitars and sound equipment, ....they even took clothes. All his portfolios, all his books....even the childhood bible that had chapel notes and church notes from his life.....gone. “Will you trust me Lisa?.....yes Lord, I will”.

I was finding that the journey of the past months and the stuggles in my health were a piece of cake to trust for......but when it came to seeing my children suffer, being under attack...the trust came harder. I kept taking back the worry. As a mom, I spend hours a day praying for my children. I want to hang onto them for dear life. But as they grow older and are now adults.....the complete release of them to the Lord is a necessary journey. I released their lives and dedicated them to Jesus when they were babies....He carried them their entire lives.....He never let them go....He never will. I just have to trust. I was learning to let go in a deeper way than I ever had.

And just as I was tempted to pick up the worry about just hearing the news from Jordan...that still small trusting voice just said....”watch Lisa....watch!” So I did. And you know what I saw? I saw my son run to the Lord. In a situation that was quite devistating.....he didn’t cry, he didn’t yell, he didn’t get angry......he quietly turned around and went upstairs.....and he prayed. He trusted God....with it all. “Do you trust me Lisa?” Yes Lord...I trust you! God had begun the answer from the very start.....inside my son. As a mother, there are no words that describe the joy in your heart when you see your child walk out their love and trust for Jesus......even in the middle of a storm.

We decided to move Jordan back from Nashville so he could regroup, reorganize, and get enrolled in another school here at home. We can’t even count the miracles God has done for Jordan this week. Far beyond what we ever dreamed. He is restoring bigger and better! We have seen Romans 8:28 come to pass! All things have truly worked together for our good! “Will you trust me Lisa?”

As I sit here, up early this morning....the house is quiet. I am filled with reflections of the year. It’s been a year of many hurdles....many trials and journeys that seem insurmountable at times. But I smile inside, because you know what? God showed up in ways I never dreamed. Many times He lifted me over the hurdles, other times He jumped them with me. Some times He coached me through them, while cheering me on. When it came to my children....He held them in His arms.....as tightly as a mother does with her newborn child....and He walked them ever protected over the hurdles from the attacks of the enemy....in those everlasting, strong arms.

I have learned this year just how big those arms really are. They hold my family, they hold my future, they hold my hopes and dreams, they hold it all. They hold the knowing that He is with me every second, through every question, and every hurt. I never want to leave those everlasting arms........”yes, Lord....I trust you.....with every hurdle Lord.....I trust you."

JUMP!!!

Are you going to a foreign country Lisa? What? I was asked this question last night not understanding quite why. But it was then that I realized a friend of mine read my post on Facebook that I was getting out of my comfort zone in a big way. She thought God was sending me to a foreign country to do missions work. As far as I know I will be here....right where I am....but on a different kind of Mission’s trip. Sometimes God calls us to a place of such abandoning trust that it is as if we truly were going on a Missions trip. Sometimes God takes us on a Mission’s trip right where we are.

I picture this huge cliff in my mind....it’s like jumping off into beautiful blue water....with no life raft, but having the faith God will catch you...He will be that life raft and He will take you to new places you never dreamed. He will carry you to safe ground. But think about it.....how much faith would it take to really jump off? That’s a huge cliff now! Do I really have faith He really would catch me? Now that’s a Mission’s trip!

One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Not only will He catch you on your leap of faith.....He will answer you....He will show you amazing things....unsearchable things you don’t know! He will take you to a new place with Him!

I am realizing that this is even true for the prayers I am praying for those dear to me. Many of my precious friends are going through trials right now....heartbreaking trials.....things I can’t wrap my mind around. And yet at those deep times of “Really Lord?...why?” I get that indescribable peace that says.....JUMP! I AM HERE LISA! And so are the answers! What I have realized more than ever is that sometimes the answer to my hardest question is....that I may never know the answer...and I am learning to be ok with that. Because where He takes me is beyond any answer to any question. He has the answer book. He IS the answer book! So I can rest and know....He’s got it all figured out.

I had this conversation with my mom yesterday about those huge things in life that happen that we just don’t understand....you know, those times when you feel like God forgot your address? She looked at me as said “Lisa, I don’t understand so many things in my life, but what I do know is this......” And she began to sing in her sweet precious voice one of her favorite hymns:

Tho' shadows deepen, and my heart bleeds,
I will not question the way He leads;
This side of Heaven we know in part,
I will not question a broken heart.
We'll talk it over in the bye and bye
We'll talk it over, my Lord and I.
I'll ask the reasons - He'll tell me why,
When we talk it over in the bye and bye.

Tears were in her eyes as she sang. I began to listen to her sweet voice singing and it was as if Jesus was right there with her singing along. She had jumped off the cliff and was resting in His arms. Her journey had brought her to that cliff many times this year. She didn’t have answers, Jesus was all she needed. Her life has been a living testimony of that to me. She lives everyday in His arms.

So am I taking a Missions trip? Yep! Right over a big ol’ cliff! The things I don’t understand, the trials and hurdles that seem so insurmountable, all the questions....I leave behind. I trust the future and the answers to the one who has the big life raft waiting....His arms are big...and they are about ready to catch me! Wanna join me? Let’s go for a JUMP! It’s gonna be a life changer! Yahooo!