God, Betty Crocker, and Chili Powder?

As I sat there anxiously waiting, staring at my wonderful masterpiece in the oven to be finished, I was so excited! My first try at a new cake recipe (gluten free, sugar free) and I was feelin’ like chef Lisa with my huge oven mitts on. I just needed the hat! I was in between appointments, but I was craving something sweet! So as fast as I could, I was pouring the ingredients into the bowl, and determined I would have my cake within the hour.

I heard the buzzer ring, and you would have thought it was the finish line in a race. I sprinted! It was beautiful! I was so proud! I love to bake, but my skills as a gluten free pastry chef are severely lacking. The gluten free journey I am now walking through is a new one. But I am determined to make the best of it by golly!

The house was quiet, and I was all alone, which is rare these days. Just my dogs staring up at me sensing my “cake excitement!” As I sliced my first piece (yes, I knew there would be a second) I almost wanted to sing the hallelujah chorus! This was my first taste of anything sweet in 2 months. Can you tell? I took my first bite, knowing how amazing it would be.....and my mouth came to a screeching halt! It was HORRIBLE! What kind of recipe was this? I knew it could not have been my baking skills! Surely I was not that bad of a cook! I re-traced my steps, and all of the sudden (not wanting to admit that I am literally blind without my reading glasses) realized that instead of cinnamon, I put in chili powder. And are you ready for this.... I left out the sugar! (or stevia powder in this case since I can’t have sugar) There it was sitting in the measuring cup, and right in front of me (which I realized after I put on my glasses) I felt like such a dork! Seriously Lisa? Chili powder? Fail!

Totally bummed, I threw the cake in the sink and mumbled under my breath....”well this was a waste of time.” But you know what is so funny, under my mumbling breath I heard the Lord say “Maybe to you, but not to me.” “What Lord?” I say that often these days....in amazement at what He is telling and teaching me. It was then that I began to see the lesson He was wanting to teach me from my cake disaster.

Many times in my impatience of “Hurry up Lord!”....I see that it’s like He’s baking a cake! Yep....being the visual person that I am, I saw cake! All the wonderful ingredients (gifts) in my life are delicately being put together. It’s measured perfectly, and it is not done hurriedly. (and He has 20/20 vision and no reading glasses!) He knows what it takes for a perfect recipe. He knows just how long it takes for the cake to bake.....but it has to bake. That means heat! Refinement! God has the ingredients together, and now the refinement. Some things are made beautiful by the heating process. In this case as He was showing me....He was working out the things in my life perfectly, some were in the oven.....the desert....the dry land.... the dark place (the oven!) But what comes out is a wonderful masterpiece! In that masterpiece come the answers, the healing, the miracles!

Hmmm. This put things into a whole new perspective. I knew these things in my heart, but today it just hit home. In fact His whole journey for me these past two years have been a journey of realizations. Things I was taught, knew, and learned my entire life have begun to become a part of who I am. I was living them, not just learning them. Instead of hearing about God’s baking abilities, I was watching Him bake...and it was my life he was baking! I have to admit....as I sat there reflecting on all of this I thought about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and the fiery furnace. (3rd chapter of Daniel) What a devotion to God they had! God really did spectacular things in that oven! Wow! Now that’s an oven story!

Yes Lord, I guess you did have something to teach me today after all. I will leave the baking to you! Off goes the oven mitt, and my ideas of being the gluten free Betty Crocker. I know God blows Betty Crocker out of the water anyway, and I know the cake He is baking will be unique, and complete in every way. It will be topped with a frosting of miracles, and healing, and it will be delightful! It is my job to give Him the chef’s hat, and leave the baking to him. After all who wants chili powder in a cake!

I think I’ll go to whole foods and get a fruit smoothie! Bon Appetit!

To have a pity party, or not have a pity party...that is the question!

As my eyes began to open from a restless sleep....I could tell this one would be tough. My mind was telling my body to “move!” “Get up!” but it wouldn’t budge. For those of you who struggle with an autoimmune issue such as spondyloarthritis....or any kind of arthritis for that matter....you know what I am talking about. Mornings can be tough. The mind is ready to go.....the body, quite a different story. And it can be different everyday.

So as I was lying there I thought to myself....this is a grand opportunity for a pity party! Balloons and all! Then there it was....that precious still small voice of the Holy Spirit behind the wailing pity party horns, calling me. Yep, there it was.....sweetly whispering to me to replace those party horns for something much better. He told me to start thanking Him. Be grateful! It was not just an “attitudinal change” He was calling me into, but a “gratitudinal change.” Are you kidding me Lord? My joints are swollen, my body is screaming with pain....I am discouraged!....HOW? “Just listen Lisa....start thanking....you’ll see.” I would put Him to the test! So I started praising through the pain. If I told you it was easy I would be lying. My pillow was soaked with tears, but I began my journey to praise no matter what. I began to realize as I sat there crying, praying and thanking... that being grateful was the beginning of something so much deeper. He wanted me to live in the fullness of my relationship with Him, not hindered and hamstrung and holding Him at arm’s length, but experiencing Him richly....feeling at home in His presence. It was then that I realized He did not want me to be destroyed by the inevitable downturns of life, with no answer for the darts of unfair, unpleasant circumstances...a walking bull’s eye, just waiting for the next arrow to be shot in my direction. He wanted me to find the God given reserve to stand strong in the midst of confusing, condemning onslaughts of opposition and pain. He wanted my head up, lifted by the empowering Spirit of God within me, even when everything else within me was calling me for a day in bed with the lights out and the blinds drawn and pity party horns blaring. He was calling me to “gratitudinal change”....and He wanted me to be a person who’s known and marked by gratitude. I could not do it in my own strength. But I could do it through His strength. He took me from my weakest point, and began to work. I just had to let go, let Him, and start thanking.

You know what I realized? At first...thanking God in the pain was difficult....but as I released and kept on thanking....I felt it began to lift. I felt a change in perspective. I went from seeing things through my pity party colored glasses to seeing them through gratitude colored glasses. I saw the pain and problems that usually buried me take a back seat. Those problems took their rightful place BEHIND twenty other blessings that were bigger than those problems would ever be. A recurring issue that once brought out a whole range of pent up emotions was now producing a new excuse to praise God with greater fervor than ever. I knew He was more than trustworthy. Gratitude was changing things.

You know what else I have learned through this journey today? God loves me....His promises are sure, and my heavenly destiny is settled forever through Jesus. But some of His work in me and through me can only come through the valley of shadow and suffering. Was I going to be resistant to it? Or was I going to be clay in His hands knowing He is intent on shaping my life for something far bigger than my own comfort, convenience and pleasure. I could surrender, or go kicking and screaming...pity party and all.

I chose surrender! I took my pity party hat off, shut the party horns down, and chose today to make gratitude my default setting. And you know what...it worked. Not only was my day blessed with His presence, but my body was too. And my faith was renewed to know that He was my healer and would take care of it all, even on the days when my body was telling me otherwise. Again, I knew He was on this amazing journey with me.....and He would not let me down. I love my gratitude colored glasses. I pray you get some too! They beat pity party glasses any day!

I challenge you to make gratitude your default setting today, and see what happens!

See you in your new glasses!

God's heart for single Mom's....Happy Mother's Day.

It happened as I was cleaning the house today. A vivid memory I had not thought about in years. But today for some reason it came out of nowhere. There I was, in the 3rd row of the sanctuary at church, I was holding my baby boy, and my 2 year old daughter was sitting to my side. It was Mother’s day. I was wiping the tears away as fast as they they came. I tried to hide them, but it was impossible. It was overwhelming. How would I do it? How could I raise these children by myself? It was our first Mother’s Day together with my babies, alone. How could this happen? How was I left to do this by myself? It was the first time it really hit me. I was on this journey now with just Jesus, and my babies. And it was also at that time that my life changed forever. My relationship with Jesus went to a whole new level. He was the lover of my soul, my husband, my maker, my friend.....He was my everything. And by His grace He walked me through one of the most difficult times of my life.....being a single mom.

Today as I was cleaning, thinking about Mother’s Day, my heart felt such a burden...a burden to pray.....to pray for those single Mom’s out there who are single for whatever reason, yet are giving their all to raise their children. I remember that time..... I remember that feeling of lonliness....the feeling that you just couldn’t do it another day. I remember wondering if God had forgotten where I lived, how did this happen to me? My self esteem was shattered. How would He put the pieces back together again? Could He? Would He? Would my children be ok? Did God forget those deep desires of my heart to be a wife AND mom? Mother’s Day....took on a whole new meaning for me.

As I was praying and cleaning and wondering why Jesus was taking me down this journey today, it was then that I looked at the picture on the desk......there it was... the joys of my life. My 4 kids, 3 dogs, and my wonderful husband. My favorite picture daily reminding me of the miracle God performed. Not only did Got not forget the deepest desires of my heart, He brought those dreams into fruition far greater than I ever dreamed. I held that picture to my heart today, and the tears started flowing. I thought about the past 10 years with a husband I utterly adore, and 4 children who all love Jesus passionately who are the joys of my life, and I realize once again.....just how amazing God’s grace truly is. He gave me the deepest desires of my heart. He saw those tears and heard the cries of my heart that Sunday morning years ago. He knew the journey would be amazing. He held my hand and He walked me through every step.

There is hope! There is restoration! There is grace! There are miracles! My heart this Mother’s Day is with all of you single Mother’s out there who are weary, who are overwhelmed, who are wanting to give up, who are lonely, and feeling forgotten. Oh friend, Jesus wants to take you to a whole new place. This journey that seems to be an endless, thankless one is indeed a journey straight to His heart. He utterly adores you! He sees every tear you have cried, He hears the cries of your heart. He hears! I pray this Mother’s day you are engulfed in the arms of the lover of your soul... Jesus. I felt those arms in ways that carried me through the darkest of days. I also want you to know I am praying for you. I want to encourage you! Hang on to those dreams you have. Hold on tight! He will bring them to pass in your life in ways you cannot even imagine. (Eph 3:20)

Mother’s are very dear to the Lord.....precious indeed. My prayer is that this Mother’s day you get a glimpse of the treasure you truly are! May this Mother’s day mark the beginning of your miracle journey! I promise, you will look back on this journey, and you will smile at the miracles God walked you through. Get ready! The best is yet to come!

Happy Mother’s Day!

A life lesson.....from my dogs.

I have learned so much from my dogs. Yeh I know...sounds funny huh? For all you dog lovers out there, you know what I mean. I wasn’t always as much of a dog person as I am today. My dogs are a joy to my heart. When my kids left the nest, we filled them with dogs! My wonderful husband is so accomodating and so supportive of my love for my dogs, and has become just as attached to them as I have.

Today I took them all on a walk in the beautiful sunshine. It is my prayer time and my alone time with God. I always ask God to teach me something each day....to find hidden treasures even in the midst of trials that come. (And there seem to have been many hurdles this year.) I guess that is why there have been many lessons. I treasure those lessons. But today it was a simple lesson. It was about friendship. It was about how I love my family, and my husband. And who would have thought I would have learned it from my dogs?

Our golden retriever, Gracie-Anne is her own adjective. If I ever figure it out, I’ll let you know. Her energy is endless. She’s a gift giver. She never comes empty handed....(or mouthed) She is a child at heart and quite frankly I don’t think she will ever grow up. Her excitement is genuine and to the core. (Or should I say over-excitement!) She has her quirks, like eating anything....and I mean ANYTHING in sight. How many trips to the vet have we taken with her? Too many to count. But her innocence and sweet heart make those trips worth it. She just gets so excited that she swallows the gifts she brings you! Now that’s excitement!

Then there’s my Holly, our lab. My sweet Holly who was trained to be a service dog, but bless her heart, her hips didn’t want to cooperate so she stayed with me. She is a service dog at heart. It is written in her face and expressed through her tail that can whip a hole in a wall at one swipe! And those of you who know Holly are knodding their heads. I have never met a sweeter soul than Holly. She is always there. No matter where I am....she is there. If I start to trip and fall, she is there in front of me bracing to catch my fall. If I drop something, she picks it up mid air and gives it back to me. As I struggled in my health this year.....Holly knew. It was written all over her face, and her closeness grew even closer. She has even licked tears from my face. Holly would die for me. In fact one day on our morning run, we were faced with 2 dogs who got loose and were on the attack....straight for us. They were pit bulls who were on their way to the pound and got loose. They were fighting dogs (which made me sad) I found out later, and had dug themselves out from the fenced area. Well you can imagine what I was feeling as I saw these 2 salivating dogs coming straight at us! I saw my life flash before my eyes....and I just froze. I knew I had no way out of this one. But Holly braced herself in front of me like a cement wall protecting me, no growling, no moving.....just protecting. I will never ever forget the look on her face. It was like she knew what was about to happen, but she had peace. She knew it would be ok. And in one of my previous blogs you will see what happened next. God protected....and Holly was my angel that day. It was a miracle. Holly is steadfast, unconditionally loving, and immovable in her love. In fact I would go as far to say she is one of the most passionate dogs I have ever seen.

And then there is Mavis. Oh Mavis. Mavis Pearl is our newest addition and she is bulldog to the core. I am watching her personality unfold daily and she is a hoot! But what bull dog isn’t? Mavis has a sense of humor that makes you laugh until you collapse. Just watching her walk is fun! Training Mavis is not like training a golden or a lab. She has learned so much already, but is not treat motivated. (Motivation is not her strength) She trains by affection! She’d much rather have a “YES! and a hug, than a treat. In fact the treat will stay on the floor and she will be looking up at me with that wrinkled smushed in face as if to say....”oh just say YES, and good girl please!!” Since she is too fat to snuggle, she gets as close to me as she can and vibrates. (her way of breathing) She is a stubborn girl at times, and loves to eat my shoes. My new high heeled shoes I bought for Easter are now flats with missing bows. Oh well, I can’t walk in heels anyway. She’s her own personality. She knows no personal boundaries and gets right in your face. Holly and Gracie don’t like her lack of personal space boundaries, and have called her on it often. She’s learning.

So as I walked this morning with the 3 of them, thinking about their individual traits, I thought to myself.....what kind of a friend am I? What traits do I have and share with others? What kind of a Mom and wife am I? Am I giver, a kid at heart? Do I love unconditionally and have passion? Am I stubborn and relentless? Am I steadfast and always there to show God’s love? Am I a protector and peacemaker? Do I have boundaries? It made me reflect on the kind of person I am and the kind of person I want to be. I have so far to go, but know God is constantly on this journey with me refining me. Just as a little puppy can be trained to become a service dog one day and change lives....God is constantly training and refining me and completeing what He has begun. Some days are not as fun as others, but the lessons learned are lifechanging. I want to become more like Him everyday. It’s a journey. A journey He will take straight to His heart. He will never leave or forsake me on this journey. He loves me when I fall, He loves me when I succeed. He loves me....period.

Isn’t that just the neatest thing ever? Yep, it was a great walk with my 3 buddies this morning. I learned a lot from them today....I am thankful. It’s going to be a great day!

Phillipians 1:6: For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

A song sung from heaven.....

As my eyes were closed, just in the beginning stages of awakening today....I could hear in my spirit her sweet sweet voice as it cracked. I could see the straight pins in her collar where she kept them while she sewed clothes for homeless children. I saw the precious face of my Grandma....and as she rocked in her rocking chair, sewing away, and singing....the melody rang out and it was oh so beautiful.

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

I always could tell this song came straight from her soul. I would always watch my Grandma as she hummed and sang this song....wondering what it was about that song that meant so much to her. She never could make it to the end without tears streaming down her face.

As I awakened this morning I felt covered with such a peaceful presence. That peaceful presence that has carried me everyday through some really tough stuff this year. The peace that was there when I saw my Mom sufferering through cancer...the peace that was there when my health failed and I had to trust with everything in me that He knew what He was doing and had a beautiful plan....the peace that is there when I see my friends hurting so deeply and I can’t fix it....but He can. The peace that is there when the enemy comes at my children and I am helpless...and in complete surrender....to trust Him with their lives. (Oh how hard that is sometimes.....) but then His peace comes...and I know I can do it. The peace that carries me when I just cannot take one more step.

It was then that I realized that my Grandma, through the many trials in her life, and all she endured....never waivered in her passion for her Savior. She knew this peace...she heard His voice, and His presence lived within her every day of her life. Not only did she believe the words to that song....it was her life.

I remember the day that the song “Jesus Loves Me” really soaked in. I mean REALLY soaked in. He loves ME! And the love I felt washed over my soul. I can never sing that song now without crying. Although I had heard it a million times....this one day....it changed my life. Well today....the “Old Rugged Cross” has had the same effect. As I heard the serenade from heaven....my Grandma’s sweet voice.....I realized that old rugged cross meant more to me than ever. Because He died for me on that cross, because of this day....I made it with Him through it all this year. His presence was there because of that old rugged cross. I cannot even fathom what Jesus went through...it has taken on a whole new meaning for me this year. Somehow, I know my Grandma knew all along....I would one day be right where she was, and I would walk out one of the hardest years of my life....right by His side. And I would be singing this song under my breath. And just as she did.....I would be wiping the tears when I was done. It would come straight from my soul just as it came from hers.

In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.

To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share.

"Yes Lord, I'll trust you..."

Will you trust me Lisa? I heard that voice as I stood in the kitchen making coffee. Will you trust me? Really trust me? I knew that when I was asked twice....I better trust....and hang on. Sure enough that night as I sat up in my bed just hearing the news from Jordan, I didn’t even know how respond. Shock? Anger? Disbelief? Overwhemed. It’s one thing to have faith for a situation in my own life, but when the enemy hits my kids....whoa..that’s a whole different ballgame. Will you trust me Lisa?......there it was again. Sigh.....”yes Lord, I trust you”.

Jordan was getting ready to go back to Nashville after a wonderful Spring Break...only to find out that his apartment at school was buglarized. They took everything. Computers, cameras, all his guitars and sound equipment, ....they even took clothes. All his portfolios, all his books....even the childhood bible that had chapel notes and church notes from his life.....gone. “Will you trust me Lisa?.....yes Lord, I will”.

I was finding that the journey of the past months and the stuggles in my health were a piece of cake to trust for......but when it came to seeing my children suffer, being under attack...the trust came harder. I kept taking back the worry. As a mom, I spend hours a day praying for my children. I want to hang onto them for dear life. But as they grow older and are now adults.....the complete release of them to the Lord is a necessary journey. I released their lives and dedicated them to Jesus when they were babies....He carried them their entire lives.....He never let them go....He never will. I just have to trust. I was learning to let go in a deeper way than I ever had.

And just as I was tempted to pick up the worry about just hearing the news from Jordan...that still small trusting voice just said....”watch Lisa....watch!” So I did. And you know what I saw? I saw my son run to the Lord. In a situation that was quite devistating.....he didn’t cry, he didn’t yell, he didn’t get angry......he quietly turned around and went upstairs.....and he prayed. He trusted God....with it all. “Do you trust me Lisa?” Yes Lord...I trust you! God had begun the answer from the very start.....inside my son. As a mother, there are no words that describe the joy in your heart when you see your child walk out their love and trust for Jesus......even in the middle of a storm.

We decided to move Jordan back from Nashville so he could regroup, reorganize, and get enrolled in another school here at home. We can’t even count the miracles God has done for Jordan this week. Far beyond what we ever dreamed. He is restoring bigger and better! We have seen Romans 8:28 come to pass! All things have truly worked together for our good! “Will you trust me Lisa?”

As I sit here, up early this morning....the house is quiet. I am filled with reflections of the year. It’s been a year of many hurdles....many trials and journeys that seem insurmountable at times. But I smile inside, because you know what? God showed up in ways I never dreamed. Many times He lifted me over the hurdles, other times He jumped them with me. Some times He coached me through them, while cheering me on. When it came to my children....He held them in His arms.....as tightly as a mother does with her newborn child....and He walked them ever protected over the hurdles from the attacks of the enemy....in those everlasting, strong arms.

I have learned this year just how big those arms really are. They hold my family, they hold my future, they hold my hopes and dreams, they hold it all. They hold the knowing that He is with me every second, through every question, and every hurt. I never want to leave those everlasting arms........”yes, Lord....I trust you.....with every hurdle Lord.....I trust you."

JUMP!!!

Are you going to a foreign country Lisa? What? I was asked this question last night not understanding quite why. But it was then that I realized a friend of mine read my post on Facebook that I was getting out of my comfort zone in a big way. She thought God was sending me to a foreign country to do missions work. As far as I know I will be here....right where I am....but on a different kind of Mission’s trip. Sometimes God calls us to a place of such abandoning trust that it is as if we truly were going on a Missions trip. Sometimes God takes us on a Mission’s trip right where we are.

I picture this huge cliff in my mind....it’s like jumping off into beautiful blue water....with no life raft, but having the faith God will catch you...He will be that life raft and He will take you to new places you never dreamed. He will carry you to safe ground. But think about it.....how much faith would it take to really jump off? That’s a huge cliff now! Do I really have faith He really would catch me? Now that’s a Mission’s trip!

One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Not only will He catch you on your leap of faith.....He will answer you....He will show you amazing things....unsearchable things you don’t know! He will take you to a new place with Him!

I am realizing that this is even true for the prayers I am praying for those dear to me. Many of my precious friends are going through trials right now....heartbreaking trials.....things I can’t wrap my mind around. And yet at those deep times of “Really Lord?...why?” I get that indescribable peace that says.....JUMP! I AM HERE LISA! And so are the answers! What I have realized more than ever is that sometimes the answer to my hardest question is....that I may never know the answer...and I am learning to be ok with that. Because where He takes me is beyond any answer to any question. He has the answer book. He IS the answer book! So I can rest and know....He’s got it all figured out.

I had this conversation with my mom yesterday about those huge things in life that happen that we just don’t understand....you know, those times when you feel like God forgot your address? She looked at me as said “Lisa, I don’t understand so many things in my life, but what I do know is this......” And she began to sing in her sweet precious voice one of her favorite hymns:

Tho' shadows deepen, and my heart bleeds,
I will not question the way He leads;
This side of Heaven we know in part,
I will not question a broken heart.
We'll talk it over in the bye and bye
We'll talk it over, my Lord and I.
I'll ask the reasons - He'll tell me why,
When we talk it over in the bye and bye.

Tears were in her eyes as she sang. I began to listen to her sweet voice singing and it was as if Jesus was right there with her singing along. She had jumped off the cliff and was resting in His arms. Her journey had brought her to that cliff many times this year. She didn’t have answers, Jesus was all she needed. Her life has been a living testimony of that to me. She lives everyday in His arms.

So am I taking a Missions trip? Yep! Right over a big ol’ cliff! The things I don’t understand, the trials and hurdles that seem so insurmountable, all the questions....I leave behind. I trust the future and the answers to the one who has the big life raft waiting....His arms are big...and they are about ready to catch me! Wanna join me? Let’s go for a JUMP! It’s gonna be a life changer! Yahooo!